Sometimes I feel like there’s no room to evolve in my hometown. The people I’ve grown up with have seen several different forms of my being. I’ve lived quite a few different lives and I embrace the journey quite a bit. There’s this unwritten sense of competition and constant judgement that always seems to find it’s way back into my mind. And yea yea yea, I know, it probably doesn’t exist but IYKYK. There’s a lot of gate keeping and all the ‘build a community’ talk is reserved for the in-crowd. A crowd that I’ve never been a part of lol. Sometimes this narrative feels very lonely. Like I’m the only one experiencing my city like this. As much love that exudes from the heart of creatives in Detroit, that love has an equal part of envy, jealousy, and exclusion.
I speak on this a lot. Sometimes I think I acknowledge it too much but I can’t change how I feel. And Detroit doesn’t feel welcoming anymore.... it honestly never did. I guess I kind of made the best out of nothing lol. I been a lot of things to a lot of people and I’ve had the opportunity to work with lots of different folks in Detroit….. and Chile…..its been a ride to say the least. I found my way into places and social circles that I thought would elevate me in my path only to find out that these spaces were dominated by selfish individuals who’s main goal was their personal gain. I don’t operate on that level. I know there’s room for everyone. I don’t receive those selfish ways.
“I love how comfortable you are out here.” The words that sparked this freewrite. Why am I only this comfortable on foreign soil? Why does vacation breed a new version of me that doesn’t exist on 7 mile? Maybe it’s just the energy from California shining through me. I come alive out there. Maybe it’s being surrounded by folks who don’t even know you so you really couldn‘t care less what they think. A different version of me forms outside of the city. I don’t know why I feel so judged in my hometown. Sometimes I think it’s all in my head. But the reality of the situation is clear as day. I’m a different breed and I’m definitely not everyone’s cup of tea. These are the things you get blinded by when you’re not focused on the tribe that God assigned you. Sometimes I let these things consume me. I’ve decided to leave those days behind me tho. It’s dimming the light.
I’m truly enjoying this unlearning and unfolding process I’m going through right now. This stage in life is giving butterfly exiting the cocoon. I feel anew. It’s beautiful here. Making my own rules. Marching to the beat of my own drum. Completely embracing Abundance and Confidence. The evolution of Rae’ has been a spectator sport for many. A blueprint for others. And an inspiration to many. I am sincerely in love with the woman I’m becoming. I can feel my powers activating. It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life.... for me. AND IM FEEING GOOD, MY BABY. And as much as I’ve been going back and forth about getting it out the mud in my hometown and being a hometown hero…..I’ve come to the conclusion that it won’t pop for me here. It’s not in flow so I have to stop trying to force it. I can’t let Detroit gatekeep me out of my position. I will not be knocked off my square by the energy of this place.
And that’s not to say that it’s impossible to achieve your dreams here. There are several creatives that are thriving here. But you know what they say, it ain’t for everybody lol. So if you’re like me, feeling lost in the shuffle in this jungle we call ‘D-Town,’ then maybe its time to find your light elsewhere. I know you’re tired of fighting the cliques and the clout chase disguised as friendship. It’s time for a change, my baby. Head to a new city and let ya soul glow.
And as for me and mine…. I’ll be in the Sunny LAnd! Killing shit like i’m suppose to!