Many times I’ve written about broken friendships and relationships. How different encounters ended weird and I was left in the gray area of “Is it me?” Many nights I’ve spent hours thinking it over in my head. Did I do something wrong? Did I say something wrong? Was this one of those reason, season, lifetime hook ups? Baffled and coming up short with explanations as to why I felt like everyone always found a reason to abandon me, I practically tortured my brain. Well, guess what?! I’ve come to a conclusion that I’m perfectly fine with..... It was me.
Life is made up of several decisions and choices. I’ve chosen to take responsibility for my portion in the many reasons why said relationships and friendships came to close. I put myself in some uncomfortable positions. I put my feelings to the side and stayed attached. I put my blinders on and allowed people to control my thoughts based on their actions. I’ve held on to these feelings and emotions for far too long. At what point do I take control? I gave up on closure a long time ago. Closure is rarely available for me. I’ve been the bigger person. I’ve reached out first. I’ve kept in touch. I’ve remembered significant dates and occasions. I’ve gone all out and I’ve come up short. Based on a series of choices and decisions. And now, I’ve decided to let it go *shrugs*
Poof, gone with the wind. When you realize you’re not as important as you think you are in a lot of folks stories.... you start choosing you. I’ve chosen me so I won’t have to worry about anyone else doing it. The act of giving so much of yourself in hopes that you’ll get that energy back is an act of insanity. If you’re going to give, give what you’re willing to risk not getting back. Give with no restrictions or expectations so you won’t rack your brain trying to figure out why the reciprocity is lacking. Play the long game and understand that people’s approach life based on their perception and what they’ve been through. Extend grace and if it becomes too much then exit. Because honestly it’s the peace for me.
There’s immense peace in not allowing folks the opportunity to live rent free in your head. So to all the folks that went on their way and left me behind, I wish you the best. If cutting ties with me set you on a better path then I love to see it. May the odds forever be in your favor lol. And if you don’t remember anything else at this point, remember to listen to your intuition because that’s God.
Housekeeping: The Transcend Deep Dive Series will resume very soon!