And to this day, my brain still tries to make me feel bad for my fashion choices. You don’t have the body for that. That doesn’t even come in your size. That’s too short. That’s too tight. You’ll probably look huge in that color. People are going to stare and wonder why you put that body in that dress. You tried it.
Cellulite, back fat, flab, rolls, the jiggle and shake, I got it all. “But at least you’re nicely proportioned with it,” they say. And yea that’s true. But still, obese. And still socially frowned upon by the majority. When does it get easier? When I lose weight? I thought I was confident. I think I am confident. But these thoughts still linger in my mind from time to time. Sometimes I’m in the mirror like “Yasssss bish.” Other times I’m getting dressed and avoiding mirrors. Just depends on the day. But everyday, my face card is STRONG! And my hair, my hair too. That helps. But from the brain of an over thinker, sometimes I trip and fall over my negative thoughts and sometimes I drown in them. This is my brain on overthink mode: If I just get a tummy tuck or maybe VSG, I could be making money like an IG baddie..... It’s pretty crazy how quick we can internalize stuff we see on the gram. “Do you know how powerful you are?” Sometimes I hear powerless. Buy real estate. That’s the new wave. How on earth am I suppose to budget buying a house into my already tight entrepreneurial budget. I just turned 26, I’m behind the curve. Look at (blank), they have the cutest condo and they own 2 properties. Kids! Kids? I DO NOT have time for that right now.
My mind can be a dangerous place sometimes but I’ve learned to get it in line. I find that it’s necessary for me to take social media breaks often because I can’t train my brain to not compare. Even when it comes to the smallest things I sometimes fall victim to the comparaholics. Sooooo I have to delete the apps and take a step back for my mental health. I’m 26 and my 26 looks NOTHING like I imagined it as a kid. You know how we use to think we’d have it all together by 25 *laughs hysterically* LIES! LIES honey! I’m winging this life thing. And winging it looks really trash when you put it up against someone who found their stride already. When I decided to quit my 9 to 5 and chase these music dreams, I had no idea it would look like this. It’s..... a generous experience. It’s.... not quite as lucrative (as far finances) as I had dreamed yet, but we’re getting there. Now if I constantly compared my journey to #SoAndSo I probably would’ve quit a long time ago. Which is why I’ve been working on not being so hard on myself *yells WHO CAN RELATE!? In my logic voice* The timing of my life is divine. The temple I’ve been blessed with is superb. God knew not to make me look like an IG model because he knew I wouldn’t know how to act lol. It is imperative that we learn how to live with ourselves, exactly how we are, RIGHT NOW! And know that whatever changes you feel are necessary for your life, take your time and incorporate them. Trust the timing of YOUR life. Don’t do it for the gram because half the time, the love ain’t real. And remember, this life is yours to create.