Where Do We Go From Here....
I’m on vacation. Like actual vacation. No work scheduled. No clients, no calls, no conferences, nothing. It feels great to get a chance to catch a breather and just chill, but I can’t seem to turn my mind off of work. The most recent topic of thought: Where do we go from here? Mostly where do I go. I’ve spent the last couple months trying to figure out my ‘thing.’ I’m good at several things but nothing I can consistently monetize. I haven’t worked a 9 to 5 since September of last year but this morning I got an email about interview..... and for a short minute I contemplated it. An easy gig with a steady check. Couldn’t hurt right? But for what? I don’t NEED money. Why do I want to go back to that life? Which leads me to this: Sometimes I don’t feel useful in my entrepreneur life. It’s like I create things and work on projects that have such a momentary value. Things are literally bubbling for a moment then that quickly fizzles out. The support is there then it dies down. There’s absolutely no consistency in the game. It’s kind of baffling to me. One minute you’re everything and the next minute you’re nothing. The up and down really weighs on me sometimes. This is one of those times.
It’s gotten to the point where I’m low key tired of pivoting because I feel like by now, something should have stuck. And I feel like nothing has..... I wrote consistently for 3 years and fell off because I just wasn’t feeling the growth. I’ve attempted to pour myself into other people’s careers and they gave up. I’ve been designing and selling t-shirts for years andddddd yea. So now I’ve decided to pour myself into music andddddd yea. I haven’t quit. I’m really just getting started. But this is me saying that things are hard. Like harder than most entrepreneurs will discuss. Like I dropped merch for my latest album and sold absolutely nothing, hard. Like I’ve been trying to be consistent with my posting on Instagram and I’ve gotten like 30 likes when I have 1400 followers, hard. Like, I made $60 last week, hard lol. Everything just feels up in the air, idk.
I’d love to leave you all with a solution for all things I’ve mentioned, but I don’t have one yet lol. This is me writing from in the midst. Like brink of going back to a 9 to 5 midst. Sometimes I just want to feel like my work is truly being appreciated.... and even when it’s not appreciated, at least I’m getting paid lol.... ya feel me?! I’m staying optimistic though. Everything’s a process so I’m just trying to let it flow. To the folks that always support me, no questions asked, thank you SO MUCH. To my family that buys one of everything and pays full price, love y’all. To my fellow entrepreneurs and folks who feel like giving up, THIS IS THE SIGN YOU’RE LOOKING FOR, PLEASE DONT’T GIVE UP!
Yea it’s tough and yea you’re tired.... I am too. But let’s not turn what could be into a what if I had.... let’s stick to the grind and stay consistent because there is reward in this work. You didn’t come this far just to give up did you? Let’s just keep pushing and keep grinding. God took us out of our comfort zones for a reason. Find the value in your current struggle. I promise you it gets better. I’ve seen the other side of a lot of struggles. It’s always better when you work for it.
I love y’all and it’s nothing y’all can do about it! Peace, Love & Light!