Is It Me orrrrr? [Ventingggg]

Good friends are hard to come by. And good help also. If you think I came in here to be Complainiana, then you are absolutely correct. I want to talk about how my friends suck and how hard it is to build a group of hardworking folks to turn these dreams into reality. If you’re my friend and you find yourself reading this…. And you get offended….. I am not sorry lol. I gotta put me first lmao. Maybe my idea of friendship is completely different from other peoples. Maybe I want too much. Maybe it’s just not the time. Either way, lets get into it.

Friendship is a relationship of mutual affection between people. It is a stronger form of interpersonal bond than an acquaintance or an association, such as a classmate, neighbor, or colleague. —Wikipedia

Over the years I’ve had several friends and friend groups. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before. And over the years, very few have survived. [Yikes!] Friends from childhood? I have none. Friends from school? I wouldn’t even say many of us are ’friends’ at this point. It’s very much giving associate. And that’s definitely no shade. We’re cool when we see each other…. Whenever that is. And we might follow each other on socials. I have ’friends’ based on nostalgia and I have ‘friends’ based on benefit. I’m basically coming to realize that I don’t have any real true friends. Like down for the ride, call/text, lunches and brunches, girls trip, match energy friends. And I’m just trying to figure out if it’s because I‘m a bad friend at this point lol.

I mean, what kind of friends don’t tell you Happy Birthday? What kind of friend only hits you up when they need something? What kind of friend doesn’t text/call you back? Is that too much to ask for lol? And I know we all have lives and sometimes folks are busy but i mean….a little effort goes a long way. I guess I’m one of those folks that was too loose with the term friend SMH. I’m literally cringing as I write this because it feels lightweight childish but I really been trying to water my friendships hoping they bloom into something bigger….something better…. something more mutual.…UGH!

Let me tell y’all a short story. So end of last year, I received a text invitation to a birthday party of someone who I use to be OD close to. Like this was my good sis. Thick as thieves, you feel me. Anywaydoe, we grew up and grew apart but we were still lightweight cordial. Did the invitation catch me offguard? Yes lol. But I’m like F it. The party was free entry and open bar, I’m in. It was at a bar that I happen to like and it was a joint party so I figured, vibes and good drinks…. Why not. Chile I even went out and purchased gifts for her and the girl she was celebrating with. I figured it was the least I could do since it was free with free drinks. Long story short, I went, had a good time, got tipsy and enjoyed myself. I even texted her ’Happy Birthday’ on her actual birth date…..

My birthday is exactly one month after hers and guess what? I didn’t hear anything from her…AT ALL LMAO!

I’m like damn, I be caring too damn much and making a fool of myself. But I just charge stuff like that to the game. I tell my boyfriend all the time, I Thank God for making me a real nigga lmao. Because some folks are sooooo far from real Chile. And I mean, I didn’t expect any pomp and circumstance but damn lol. I couldn’t even get a ‘HBD.’ And I know somebody is reading this and saying ‘girl are you serious right now? That’s not even that deep’ lol. To that I say, TO YOUUU!

Building my work team has pretty much been going the same exact way lol. From finding creative directors to working with MUA’s and hairstylist….a shit show to say the least lol. So many people leave me on read. So many folks want to be paid heavy check for the bare minimum. Most folks don’t see the vision. And honestly, I’m tired. At this point, I’m going to have to be a one woman show. One minute folks are excited to work with you and at another point they’re ghost. Yall know I’m just trying to get to the paper. I‘ve showed up for so many people and worked my ass off. I just want that same energy returned when I need it. It’s honestly baffling.

Anywaydoe, I really can’t believe the way folks do me. Maybe it’s me *shrugs* IDK. And I guess I could try having a conversation with said ’friends’ in question but unless they were on their death beds, the excuses would probably blow me lol. So at this point, I have to decide if I want to try to recultivate these relationships or just start fresh. At this point, I’m not gone lie, friendship is disappointing.

Friend if you read this and felt a ways…. Come holla at me. Let’s discuss!

I highly doubt I’ll hear from anyone though lol. All the #GirlGang talk and sisterhood talk on IG has me in my feels. That’s what inspired this write up lol. I gotta get this #SadGirlEnergy off me though lol. So I figured why not write about it *shrugs*

As always, I love y’all. If you read this far, Thank you sooooooooo much. I’d love to chat so leave a comment down below. Do you have a #GirlGang ? What attributes do you appreciate about your friends? Sound off below!

Peace, Love & Light

—Rae’