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When Does the Dust Transform?

The last couple times my phone has rang and it was a call from my little sister, it hasn’t been a “hey, what’s up sis.” We’re texters. We will definitely shoot a text before we actually pick up the phone and call. So when my phone rings and it’s family, it’s either my grandma, a time sensitive matter or an urgent matter. As I sat down on my bed, straight out of the shower, about to get dressed for church, my phone rings. It’s my sister. Since we’re all suppose to be meeting at church, I think nothing of the call. I answer. And what I heard on the other end of the line shook me to my CORE. I’m immediately nervous and fighting tears. “We’re rushing (blank) to the hospital. She can’t talk. She can’t walk. She’s sweating like crazy.” Have you seen that meme of Mr. Krabs? Dats me. And just like that, plans change. “I hear your voice cracking, stay calm.” No church for me today. They say if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. I’m sure he got a good cackle Sunday.

Has God ever broken you down to nothing? Like dust in the wind. Have you ever lost sight of the light at the end of the tunnel? I feel like I have. They say when God breaks you down to your brake pads then he’s shifting and preparing you for greater. I’ll be immensely happy when that greater comes because I feel like the enemy is attacking my family from every angle. Sunday I almost lost my best friend. Have you ever felt like the world came to a screeching halt. Just shook. And the thing is, when you’re trying to figure out what you’re suppose to learn from this, sometimes you can’t put the pieces together. What do you do when you feel helpless? How do you help someone when there’s nothing you can really do?

You know, all my life, my family and I have been pretty well off. I mean, we weren’t rich, but I can’t remember wanting for anything for the most part. And from the outside looking in, I’m sure a lot of folks felt like we were the perfect little family. And when you’re up like that, people start to think that you don’t experience downs. The last year or so has been really tough for us. I’ve experienced some of the greatest scares of my life. All surrounding health issues with my family. I’ve shed so many tears I could fill an Olympic pool. On the bright side of things, my mind is saying “it could always be worse.” On the dark side, my heart and mind are saying “if (blank) dies, I’m going with them.” There is nothing that shakes me to my core more than issues and illnesses within my family. Because at the end of the day, they’re all I got.

When does the dust transform? Is there a bounce back at the end of the tunnel? Because my spirit and life are TIED’T. I feel like we’ve been fighting a continuous battle. And though we’ve been conquering the enemy, I’m sure I speak for all my family when I say “Where’s the big break Lordt?” Please know you’re never the only one going through it at any given time. I find comfort in knowing that there are people somewhere experiencing some of the same struggles we are. When the weight of the world is on your shoulders you gotta have someone you can lean on. My family unit is STRONG! We are fighters. God reserves his hardest battles for his strongest soldiers. My sister is probably stronger than I’ll ever be. This is a reminder to tap into that fear, that darkness, those shadows and flip them on their heads. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. And know you’re not the only one going through it. To me sharing the lows only makes the highs that much more meaningful. Bless up.

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