If I’m being completely and totally honest and transparent, love just is not enough. What’s love got to do with it? Lol. Now don’t get me wrong, love is a very important aspect of any relationship, but if love is your end all be all sis, you might want to reconsider. Couples should align and complement each other financially, spiritually, mentally and so on. They also should be committed to a common goal that transcends the love. Its levels to this ish. So check this out, if love is the only thing on your checklist, you may want to consider some of the following things….
Now I’m going to start by saying, do what makes you happy. And if love is your whole thing, this article IS NOT for you. But if you’ve ever had the thought of “I love him but….,” then let’s chat sis.
Let’s start with stages of life. I think the stage of a person’s life plays heavily into their ability to be a part of a successful relationship. While lots of people are able to adapt to their environment quite well, we have to take into account that not everyone is in the stage of their life where they are ready for a committed relationship. Let’s be real, some people mature quicker than others. Some individuals are still entertained by trying to build a roster. There are people who just got out of serious relationships and need healing time and there are those that aren’t even interested in a relationship. Either way it goes, it’s important to have a conversation with your potential mate about their current feelings on relationships and what stage of life they’re in. Let’s face it, if he’s interested in playing the field for a while, you loving him won’t keep him faithful.
Ok so you’ve established that you both are interested in building a stable and prosperous relationship, cool. Now let’s dig deeper. What are the finances looking like sis? So let’s say you work at the millennial favorite in Detroit, Quicken Loans. You make great money, you have benefits, you have a 401K, that bank account is on fleek and your savings account is flourishing….. What is your standard for your significant other? Does he have to be just as successful and popping? Can he work a lower level job? Do you have a preference? Does his occupation matter to you? Are you expecting him to always foot the bill because “that’s what a man does?” A lot of questions right lol? But these are all really important things that play into a relationship, so think on it.
So you’ve figured out the finances and set the standard, let’s move on to something a little more intimately personal…. A person’s spiritual life and journey. I’ll use myself as an example. I am a Christian and have been all my life. I attend a baptist church and I’m an avid church-goer and attend and participate regularly. My boyfriend use to go to church regularly as a child but has transitioned away from the church in his adult years for a host of reasons which he shared with me. While he still believes in God, he doesn’t attend church regularly and is more “spiritual” than “religious.” And guess what? We’re still very compatible. So while many religions and beliefs exist, it is majorly important to have this conversation early on because an avid believer dating an atheist may bring forth some issues.
Moving along in the same path, a person’s mental state is a big thing. Are you a dreamer? Are you an optimist? Do you have critical thinking skills? Sometimes it’s good to pick up where your significant other lacks. Everyone’s relationship is different. To some, this is a deal breaker. To others, it’s a non-factor.
Now let’s switch gears a little and talk about goal setting. What are your ultimate goals as a person and for the relationship? Where is it going? What’s your dream career? Do you plan on moving out of state? Have you reached your career peek and have no plans on switching up? Is he flexible? Are you? Does he support your dreams and goals or does he feel like they’re outlandish and out of reach? One thing I know from being a go-getter is that I need that spirit matched in my significant other. I need him to be just as ambitious, if not more ambitious than me, Ya feel me?!
At the end of the day, like I said, it's levels to this ish. Everything is not for you. Please be mindful of what you’re getting into when you’re attempting to build prosperous relationships. It’s all about foundation. Love is definitely a key player in this relationship game so please don’t neglect it. But don’t let love have you stuck in a negative relationship. Let’s make healthy choices. Let’s not play games. Emotions are not something you want to play with.
I’ll leave you with this quote: “Nobody can predict the future. You just have to give your all to the relationship you're in and do your best to take care of your partner, communicate and give them every last drop of love you have. I think one of the most important things in a relationship is caring for your significant other through good times and bad.” --Nick Cannon